Big Brother: Dark Angel
by Little-Goddess452
Summary: Our favorite Dark Angel characters battle it out in Big Brother...Will they be able to survive three months of living in the same house?
1. Attack of the Dumbasses

Title: Big Brother Dark Angel  
  
Authors: Little Fella + The Goddess Bastet = Little-Goddess  
  
Disclaimer: Neither Big Brother nor Dark Angel belong to us. We don't have a million dollars to give away, nor would we want to. As for Dark Angel, if it belonged to us...it would *NOT* be cancelled.  
  
Summary: Our favorite Dark Angel characters battle it out in Big Brother...Will they be able to survive three months of living in the same house?  
  
Setting: Post-Freak Nation  
  
Chapter 1: Attack of the Dumbasses  
  
  
  
Alec set the huge bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table in front of his television set. Almost immediately, two other pairs of hands from opposite sides of the table made a wild dash in order to have the honors of digging in first. He rolled his eyes at Original Cindy and Sketchy, who both had the bowl in their grips and were undertaking a tug-of-war, which resulted in many fluffy white kernels spilling onto the questionably clean floor.  
  
"Do you guys mind? I just did my monthly floor sweeping!" he said, grabbing the bowl back and setting it firmly on the table. "It's cleanness has to last for at least another month!"  
  
"What are you?" Sketchy laughed, "A girl?"  
  
"No, I just don't like it when junk food mutates on my floor." Alec replied, and grabbed a handful of popcorn for himself to enjoy as he sprawled across the sofa behind the table.  
  
Sketchy shook his head, grinning, "Some people call it a health threat... I call it food."  
  
"Shut up you two! I'm trying to watch Jerry Springer!" OC yelled.  
  
"I never knew you liked trashy television." commented Alec  
  
OC gave a small chuckle. "I guess it's my voyeuristic streak."  
  
They were at Alec's place to celebrate the new legislations passed which allowed all transgenics to be free. Equality had finally been achieved. So why was Alec celebrating in the confines of his home when he could've been painting the town red with his newfound freedom? He punched the sofa arm in frustration, then pulled his hand back when he heard the wood crack. great, that's all he needed.  
  
Why were things still so complicated? Transgenics might be free on pen and paper, but the public were still wary - not openly hostile - but tense about the situation. 'I have a dream that one day, all transgenics, whether they be black or white, furry or slimy, will be able to walk across the street without their motives being called into question.' he thought wryly. Humans had it in their heads that the transgenics were like killing machines who spent their days strategising a hostile take-over. They needed to view transgenics in their everyday lives in order to realise that most lived just like them. They ate, slept, laughed, played, cried and farted- just like them. But the public had no interest in watching transgenics go about their daily routine.  
  
'I can see it now...these are The Days of our Transgenic Lives.' he mentally mocked.  
  
"Boo? You aiight?"  
  
Alec glanced up to find both OC and Sketchy looking at him with concern.  
  
"Yeah, I'm always alright." He said grinning. No use in spreading his gloom.  
  
OC made a sound that sounded like a cross between a sarcastic snort and an exasperated sigh. "Alec, I might be lesbian, but I still have my female intuition... when I see you attacking a poor, defenceless piece of furniture, my intuition tells me something's wrong."  
  
"Give the guy a break OC, it's been a long day." Sketchy yawned, "So anyway, where's Max?" he asked, lazily reaching for popcorn that was no longer there.  
  
"She's going over to Logan's for her own private celebration." said OC  
  
"From what I heard there's gonna be a whole lotta celebrating."  
  
"Oh well, more pop corn for us... speaking of which, where did it all go?" Sketchy asked peering into the bowl. He looked up and glared at OC.  
  
"Don't look at me," she said defensively. "Alec's the one with the X5 appetite, I used to think it was just Max, but this rapid food consumption affects all ya X's."  
  
"It's the price we have to pay to power bodies like ours," Alec grinned, then lay back into the chair, thinking back to the previous few weeks. He'd decided to finally make it up to Max for all the grief he'd caused her. Not that it was his fault. Okay, most of it was; but it wasn't *all* his fault. Besides, he'd already redeemed himself: Using various and often unsavoury sources he had found the location of a Manticore scientist who could cure the virus. He'd raised the steep amount himself by taking out a network of Russian mobsters and pocketing their cash. He almost felt like one of the Irish twins in "The Boondock Saints". He supposed that the fact that he *had* a twin who went on killing sprees in the name of religion had more to do with his association with the pre-Pulse movie than the fact that he was ridding society of criminals. So, he'd raised the money, had gotten samples of Max's DNA, and a cure had been concocted. This morning, he'd given it to her...  
  
  
  
*FLASHBACK*  
  
"What's this?" asked Max as she held the vial in her hands.  
  
"Something you've wanted for a long time." and he'd told her about the scientist.  
  
He could see that she had no clue how to react. She wanted to believe that she actually held the elusive cure in her hands, while still remaining realistic and not have her hopes dashed. Then she'd carefully set the vial down so that it would not break, and flung her arms around him in a huge hug.  
  
"Thank you." she'd whispered into his ear, before snatching the vial up again and racing out the door of his apartment.  
  
"Don't mention it!" he called after her, "Any time!"  
  
  
  
*PRESENT*  
  
"Max told me what you did for her, Boo. I'm proud of you."  
  
Alec shrugged off her praise.  
  
"Yeah, well. It's healthy to be in Max's good books. You live longer."  
  
"Well, now she'll be in a good mood. And the old Max will probably come back."  
  
Alec looked at her in surprise.  
  
"You mean, Max wasn't always Miss Bitchy Bitch?"  
  
"Well...actually she was, but she was a lot less uptight about life. There was a lot less to stress over too. She didn't have to worry about the Virus or White or Sandman or loony breeding cults with their snakes and tattoos. Last year, Max's priorities were simple: staying under Manticore's radar, finding her sibs and not getting fired. That, and she had much shorter hair to look after."  
  
Sketchy sat up in his seat, "Yeah, man, that was a while ago. Her hair was shorter and curlier. But I think the long straight version suits her facial structure better, it accentuates her eyes and -" he paused when he saw Alec and OC looking at him strangely.  
  
"Now who's the girl?" Alec said smirking, "I can't imagine Max with short curly hair though... Manticore frowned on all hair care products, especially curling irons."  
  
"What? Max never showed you a picture of her with her old hairdo?" OC asked surprised.  
  
"Oh sure! After Manticore burned down, we went back to her place, painted each others toenails and exchanged photos of our previous bad haircuts...those were the days."  
  
OC grabbed her handbag and fumbled inside for a minute. She took out a photo taken when she'd moved into Max's apartment after the Reds had gotten her evicted from hers. It was a close shot of Max and herself with their arms around eachother's shoulders. Max was laughing, and it pained her to realise how seldom she now saw such a joyful expression on her friend's face. She handed the photo to Alec who stared at it in disbelief.  
  
"That's not her. No way in hell is that Max."  
  
"You better believe it, Pretty Boy. That's my Boo."  
  
"She's... so happy. Like she *doesn't* want to beat something up."  
  
"Well, thanks to you, that's how she's gonna look the next time you see her." OC promised as she slipped the picture back into her bag.  
  
There was a loud knock at the door. Alec got up with a groan and went to answer it. The door swung open to reveal Max - looking like she'd been tossed into the loneliest corner of the world.  
  
"Look at what the cat dragged in." Alec couldn't help himself, even though he was wondering what the hell Max was doing at his place instead of having pasta, wine and *dessert* at Logan's. And she sure as hell didn't look happy.  
  
"Save it, Alec. Can I come in?"  
  
Alec pretended to ponder her request. "Max, I honestly dunno. We're having a party here, and frankly, you and your angry chick vibes are crashing."  
  
"If you don't let me in, I see *you* crashing - into the wall."  
  
"Well I've already damaged the furniture today... don't wanna ruin the wall too." He grinned moving aside and letting her in.  
  
OC and Sketchy looked up in surprise as Max stormed into the apartment and flopped down in the middle of the sofa that had been previously occupied by Alec.  
  
"Excuse me? Before your sour arrival, that was *MY* seat."  
  
Max shifted an inch so that he could sit beside her.  
  
"Nice to know you're in a generous mood," he said cramming into the seat, "So what happened?"  
  
"Yeah, Boo. How did things go with Logan?" asked a concerned OC.  
  
"I went over. I told him that Alec and me were never a couple. I told him I'm cured...and it turns out that the dumbass was playing me. He's been kicking it with Asha ever since I was stuck at Manticore."  
  
"So I cleared Seattle of Russian mobsters and found Mr Brainy for absolutely nothing?" Alec asked. "Damn!"  
  
"Well, the cure works. He didn't die when I slapped him."  
  
"Thank God for small mercies." he muttered.  
  
"Boo, you feelin' okay?"  
  
"Yeah. But I want to get out of town for a while. Take a vacation or something. I need a change of scenery and - what the hell are you guys watching?" her attention turned to the people on television who were yelling and throwing chairs at each other.  
  
"Umm...Jerry Springer re-runs?"  
  
Max only rolled her eyes in response.  
  
They watched silently as the guests swore each other and as two particularly angry females attempted to gouge each other's eyeballs out. The show's host, Jerry Springer, had them separated and then hastily continued:  
  
//"Let's meet our next couple. Dennis and Kirsten met each other about two years ago and became friends. Eventually, they started going out. Unfortunate circumstances had compelled Kirsten to go home to her family for three months. During her absence, Dennis had an affair with another woman, Seline. When Kirsten returned home, he continued the affair with Seline while still claiming to love Kirsten. Today, Dennis is going to come clean on The Jerry Springer Show:"Honey, While You Were Gone..."//  
  
"Change the channel." Max's command was so abrupt that OC, Alec and Sketchy all jumped. Alec immediately grabbed the remote control and randomly selected another channel. On the screen were two grinning idiots.  
  
//"Hi! I'm Nazzie." said Grinning Idiot number 1.  
  
"And I'm Sugi." said Grinning Idiot number 2 //  
  
"Hey, Max? You sure they not one of your sibs? 'Coz I'm pretty sure you named them!" said Alec, only to be greeted by Max's elbow in his midriff.  
  
#Nazzie: It's that time of the year again, we, the Big Brother Team are  
  
looking for new contestants for our million dollar show!  
  
Sugi: The Big Brother 22 House Guests will be carefully selected from  
  
thousands of applicants.  
  
Nazzie: From a series of screening interviews the producers will cull a  
  
pool of finalists with the physical, psychological and mental  
  
capacity to endure 100 days in a monitored house under extraordinary  
  
conditions.  
  
Sugi: The twelve houseguests chosen through this process will be  
  
strong, interesting, compelling and will come from diverse  
  
backgrounds.  
  
Nazzie: Do you think you have what it takes? Call the number on your  
  
screen for more information, and remember...  
  
Together: Big Brother is watching you! //  
  
Sketchy scoffed. "What kind of a dumbass would enter that show?"  
  
"Yeah, you'd have to be real desperate," OC stated. Then again, it would be a real opportunity to demonstrate for all lesbians around the world! To -  
  
"I agree." Alec stated. Who would want to spend three months in a house with people you don't like, with all those cameras in your face? Billions of people watching you... but wouldn't that be a perfect way to get peoples' attention? A perfect way to send them the message that transgenics are people too! They should not be judged by their outward appearance, but by the content of their character! Besides, even if he didn't succeed he still had a shot at the million dollars.  
  
Max sat up in her seat. This was it, the opportunity she'd been waiting for! A chance to get away from everything... from everyone. It was a sign, she knew what she had to do...  
  
"I'm going to go now guys." Max said getting up. It was late, but she still had a chance to get through on Big Brother's phone line to enter.  
  
"Uh, yeah..." OC said, "I have to go too..." She decided to go fill out an application to be a contestant. This was going to be fun.  
  
"Hey, if the chicks are leaving... I'm gonna head down to Crash, coming, Alec?" Sketchy asked.  
  
"Uh, no... I have this thing I have to do." Alec replied. He looked around for his cell phone and dialled a number after everyone had left.  
  
"Hello? Is this the Big Brother Hotline? Good, I'd like to know more about this show..." 


	2. Under the Influence

Chapter 2: Under the Influence  
  
Sketchy sat at the bar in Crash scrutinizing the drink he held in his hands. He couldn't exactly remember how long he'd been there, or how many drinks he'd had. "Pretty Mr beer bottle." he mumbled to himself.  
  
"Ah, another one of my degenerate employees," Normal said, shaking his head and coming up beside Sketchy, "You better go home or else you won't be sober to deliver packages in the morning; and stop talking to your bottle!"  
  
"First of all it's Mr Bottle and I'll talk to him whenever I want to, and secondly what are you doing here? This isn't exactly your kind of hang out."  
  
"Well after everything that's been going on lately, I find myself craving a drink more often. I mean with the transgenics, government, stock market and boy bands making a comeback... well, the world is going to hell in a handbasket. What the world needs now is money Money will solve all its problems. Why am I talking to you about this anyway? I guess my life really has hit its lowest point." Normal stated, downing a drink.  
  
"Well, if money will solve problems you could always go on the Big Brother show. That's easy money for anyone dumb enough to enter."  
  
"Big Brother, huh?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Max walked down the street with her Big Brother application. It was ready. She'd found the best picture of herself and she figured she'd answered every question perfectly - stretching the truth here and there.  
  
something abt Logan and Asha - blah, blah, woof,woof  
  
It would be awesome if she was chosen as a contestant, not to mention if she actually won the million doll- "Oof!" she exclaimed as she collided into someone.  
  
"I'm sorry, are you okay... Max? Max!" The tall guy said grinning, holding a pizza  
  
"Rafer? Uh, hi... how it going?" Max said, feeling uncomfortable. Running into one-night stands has that effect on you.  
  
"Good," he said, then bent down to pick up the envelope Max had dropped. "Big Brother... You planning to enter, Max?" he asked.  
  
"Uh... the thought had crossed my mind," she said snatching it back. She didn't want him to get any bright ideas.  
  
Rafer just had a bright idea. Imagine being in the same house as Max for 3 months... after what happened last time they -  
  
"Well, I have to run now," Max said giving him a fake smile. The guy gave her the creeps.  
  
Rafer watched her leave, "Oh yeah... she wants me."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Alec watched the reruns of Big Brother intently, trying to figure out the best strategy. He heard the door bell and dragged himself off the couch and opened the door.  
  
"Pizza." The guy said.  
  
"Thanks, come in, let me grab my wallet," Alec said.  
  
Rafer stepped into the apartment and glanced at the television screen. For a moment he thought he was seeing some kinky shower porn, but then he realised what was on.  
  
"You watch Big Brother?" he asked Alec.  
  
"Kinda... I'm actually thinking of entering."  
  
"Really? So was I! Well... actually there's this girl I know who's entering and, well, if we both get in..."  
  
"Spending 3 months in a house with the girl of your dreams? Good plan," Alec replied grinning. "Anyway, if both of us get in we should form an alliance, what do you say?" Alec asked, extending his arm.  
  
Rafer shook his hand, "Sure! Why not? What've I got to lose?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hi, I'm here to fill out an application for your show," Normal looked around nervously, while Sketchy talked to the vending machine. He was still a little unstable from all the drinking.  
  
"Here you go sir..." the woman said, handing him a piece of paper, "Would your friend like one too?" she asked, watching Sketchy as he finally got a vanilla coke out the machine.  
  
"No, I don't think he has what it takes to make it," Normal said smiling at the woman.  
  
"I do have what it takes!" Sketchy stated. "Anything I can do, you can do better! Or uh... the other way - Just tell me where to sign!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 


	3. Unleashing the Idiot Within

Title: Big Brother Dark Angel  
  
Authors: Little Fella + The Goddess Bastet = Little-Goddess452  
  
Disclaimer: Neither Big Brother nor Dark Angel belong to us. We don't have a million dollars to give away, nor would we want to (give it away). As for Dark Angel, if it belonged to us...it would *NOT* be cancelled.  
  
Summary: Our favorite Dark Angel characters battle it out in Big Brother...Will they be able to survive three months of living in the same house?  
  
Setting: Post-Freak Nation _-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*- _-*  
  
A/N: OK, this is Nazzie and before you do anything else, stop and behold the power of guilt. I was so overcome by it, I decided to churn out another chapter. After all, Sugi did the last one, how long ago? Right... 10 months.  
  
Oh, and in case anyone hasn't picked up on this yet, I really, really, really detest the inane rubbish that is the "Big Brother" reality show.  
  
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Dedication: To Sugi, my co-author and friend. Without you, this fic - and probably not this chapter, considering how many times I sent it to you for polishing - would not exist. May we both live to see the last chapter!  
  
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Chapter 3 : Unleashing the Idiot Within  
  
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ONE WEEK AFTER THE ENTRY DEADLINE  
  
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"Hmmm..."  
  
As far as Max could discern from endless stream of "Big Brother" reruns she had subjected herself to, the most effective strategy for winning the affections of both housemates and audiences alike, was in fact a very simple one:  
  
Show as much skin as possible, as often as possible.  
  
For the old - no, recent - Max, this would be an unconquerable hurdle. An impossible task. A damn nightmare! But for the new, improved, post-Logan Max Guevara, this was one of those oppurtunities that put gleams in eyes, coaxed mouths to turn upwards in an evil (although clichèd) manner, made hands rub together viciously in anticipation, the friction thus causing goosebumps to ripple in waves along the flesh. Revenge, it turned out, was a highly erotic emotion. No wonder White always seemed to be enjoying himself.  
  
But why should modesty come between her and $1000 000? It was time to be ruthless, and by the Blue Lady who had blessed her with a somewhat decent rack, she was going to enjoy every second of parading herself in that house! It was a scientific fact: males respond well to cleavage and when Logan - the prick that he was - turned on his television set, he was going to see each and every glorious curve that he had dismissed for that...that human.  
  
"Let him drool," she announced with the newly aquired sadistic smile. Then she cringed as a rather upsetting vision of Logan drooling popped into her head. She'd caught him doing it once when he'd fallen asleep at his computer. She realized that no man was perfect ... but really... he wasn't even in the same area code as perfect.  
  
Payback was going to be so very, very sweet...  
  
Provided, of course, that she was actually selected.  
  
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Normal was sure of himself. He may not be the most muscular of men, but what he lacked in brawn, he made up for it in brains... or so his mother had said. The competition he would face in the Big Brother House would undoubtedly be superior to him in terms of youth, strength and facial bone structure, but he, Reagan Ronald, had the uppermost advantage when it came to the important factors of house-sharing...  
  
He could keep the place so spotless that it would turn Martha Stewart speachless with delight.  
  
"Beat that, you debauched imbeciles!"  
  
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Sketchy, too, had discovered the perfect strategy. As a reporter in-the- making, he had access to articles and newspaper clippings from around the globe. Upon his search, he had found a very interesting fact. The very first South African version of Big Brother had been a huge success. Not only was one of the housemates a verbally abusive bodyguard with criminal charges, but another man - in a somewhat inebriated state - had fertalised the garden. The former became a superstar, the latter won the Million Rand.  
  
Obviously, manners were not a requisite for winning this game. Neither was sobriety.  
  
Proper bowel functions seemed to be a neccessity though.  
  
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Yeah, you tell 'em my sistahs!" OC yelled at the television set. She was watching yet another installment of Wilma and Greg, her favorite television show about a strong lesbian women who fought for her rights in a heterosexually dominated world of men. The thought disgusted her. What on earth did men have that women didn't?  
  
Well, besides that.  
  
It just seemed that wherever she turned she was faced with egotistical males who had more testosterone than character. Well no more... Original Cindy was going to make sure that her voice was heard, that every woman in the world knew that they were empowered!  
  
Of course, in order to stay in the game and get her message across, she was going to need an alliance with the best-looking female in the house...  
  
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Rafer had his strategy planned out from the moment he had knocked into Max and realised that she was entering the show. His plan marvelled him in its complexity. It was ingenious...  
  
Propose to Max.  
  
After all, he wasn't so delusional as to not notice how crazy she was about him. She practically threw herself at him everytime they met... especially that time she'd collided herself against his car - dead giveaway! Not that he'd minded. Why not show the world the meaning of true love?  
  
The audience wouldn't have the heart to evict an engaged couple, right?  
  
Right?  
  
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Alec jumped up in triumph when the perfect strategy hit him on the head - with the force of a sledgehammer, no less. He made a mental note to brace himself the next time he was struck by a brilliant idea, but there was not much danger of that happening too soon.  
  
It was risky... after all, nobody had decided to employ this particular tactic since the dawn of the show's birth.  
  
He was going to be sweet, charming and an all-round darling!  
  
That meant no foul play, no harassing of the chickens, no drunken bouts of mud wrestling, no pork rind flinging, no sleeping with his female housemates. Well...perhaps that last one was venturing too far into sainthood . If there was a really pretty and willing member of the opposite sex, he might just try the tried and tested formula of winning over the audience. Other than that, he was going to be known as the nice guy - the guy your grandma would want you to date.  
  
The plan was so crazy, it might just work!  
  
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A/N: OK, wierd chapter, I know. I'm sorry. Just be thankful it exists.  
  
I'm requesting ideas.Afterall, 3 months in a house is a long time, I'm sure we can fit in lots of requested moments (ahem...if we actually get that far before anyone dies of old age). I had a list of ideas that we had decided to fit into the fic, but my comp crashed and I cannot for the life of me remember everything. So think up stuff like house challenges or embarrasing situations etc. Feel free to e-mail us the ideas rather than posting them in reviews if you don't want anyone else to see them. (But review as well!!!!) The addy is... little_goddess452@hotmail.com 


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